Sunday, November 8, 2009

.God speaks when He wants to.

It happened in an instant; my stomach dropped, my head was spinning and nausea set in. Last night, I was feeling very sorry for myself. After just one week of being footloose and fancy free, I was back to the heart-wrenching turmoil I had experienced in the weeks before that. Eventually, a hot shower seemed to be the only consolation. The noise of the rushing water and the moaning of the exhaust fan was able to muffle any other sounds that might raise suspicion to a listening ear. Feeling vulnerable and alone, I cried out to God asking Him why this was so unfair. Why was He letting this happen? How did he expect me to deal with this kind of situation I had been placed in? Two weeks of terror and one week of peace did not sound like the cycle I wanted to be in!

Once I was done with my pathetic ranting and raving, the only thing that kept popping into my head was 1 Thessalonians 5:18. "...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." It's a lot easier to "talk-the-talk" than to "walk-the-walk", that's for sure. I did not want to thank God for anything that had happened and was currently happening, but I reluctantly began to say whatever I could think of that I could be thankful for in my whole big mess. Towards the end of my shower, I was repeating these things through sobs that I just couldn't control.

I know the two verses before the "give thanks" one, say that I need to pray continually, but also that I need to be joyful. I think of myself as a pretty happy person - it's something that just comes naturally. I like to be positive and think of cheery things to say and do. I like to laugh and to make others laugh, but sometimes I fall into these slumps of sadness and self pity; there is definitely not a lot of joy in there. This shower experience (don't laugh, it has to happen somewhere, right?) was definitely a struggle, but it's a step in the right direction.

I'm working out my messes and am going to try to be a better at this multitasking thing: being joyful always, praying continually and giving thanks in all circumstances.

This is God's will for me and for you.

He calls the shots, the least I can do is try to and do my part.

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